Losing Kath

Love lost, read and found

The cost of a sting

The cost of a sting.

I find the more we go through in life, the more we believe we have a right to opinions. But as we grow more experienced through times we should remember to become less reckless and exercise thought first before engaging opinion.

We will get many a time and more than we want, to be weighed down by each of life’s blows. Words can strike us like an unwanted boot and no one likes or deserve another kicking while we are still trying to get up off our knees? If someone is trying to stand up, they don’t need the rug to be pulled from under their feet by the suspicions of those who deem we fail to meet their expectations in what is considered the appropriate way to conduct ourselves in the face of adversity?

There are different sliding scales of adversity to be had in life and surely when dealing with things we label traumatic, it is right to expect those affected, to be for a while, allowed to act out of character.

If I was one person before the loss of another, then surely in the immediate aftermath it is to be expected and only natural that I should not be quite that same person for a while? What then if I lose my wife and mother to my children tragically all of a sudden, won’t the legs underneath me have been chopped away, causing me to sway and stumble along the way?

Are we not able to understand, that it is impossible to know with any certainty, what anyone may be going through on their own in any given circumstances let alone dire. We guess and we empathise but in truth we never really know until we experience!

So surely it is common decency and an act of compassionate understanding to allow a person the time to adjust and the right to cope however they see fit as they clasp at whatever railings they reach for in their fear when feeling they are being thrown from ‘life’ overboard.

Isn’t a person expected to act out of character when ‘out of the ordinary’ circumstances engulf them?

Why do we need to rush into dishing out labels on people if and when they fail to meet our expectations and why do we find it hard to make any such allowances for them too?

We are of course all entitled to opinions on things so long as they are not swift made conclusions and then shared. It shames us if the people we judge, are actually in turn having to make allowances for us, because we might not understand or are capable of making any concessions from our uninterrupted lives that have convinced us worthy of all opinions. I am ashamed now because I know that sometimes, that someone was me! But I had to get here somehow and nearly bleed out, to have my eyes opened. Now I am asking for others to make the concessions for me.

Point no fingers especially at those in adversity, they are not there it’s just a shadow you see. Disapproving whispers of a shadow, no matter how loud, will only fall on deaf ears.

‘He has been through a very traumatic experience and whether he is aware of it or not, he probably is acting out of character!’

This is a thought I hear me questioning myself in my head this last year.

Suspicions of being ‘out of character’ are just another casualty of death that is born in the living. It is just another symptom in people I find I must manage along in finding my own way. What I will say on the matter however, is this:

Some people you rely on a lot and others instinctively, you grab to hold on. Some people, I know are there, even when I cannot see it. Some have been quick to label me ‘still there’ even though they couldn’t see it! I cannot give thanks for the things that shape me, but I do give thanks for the shape in life you took for me, but mainly thank you for the time you gave to me.

Whether you think me out of character or not; I am in control of all my faculties.

In my hour of need, one thing about me for sure has not changed. That is, that there is a truth I have come to accept about myself that probably is true of all people too, but something perhaps we only come to realise the older we get. This is; no matter what we think we are sure of in this very moment, we will probably think foolish in another. This feeling, I believe will never go away! We look back at ourselves and sometimes cringe, but tomorrow, the next day or even next year, you will look at yourself now and cringe again.

I have been feeling that all my life and realise ‘the me today’ doesn’t know as much as he thinks and next year I will cringe about ‘the me today’ who thought he did!

Opinions can come very loaded so they ought to be well considered before being fired!

‘The flower doe not realise it stings but it does, whereas the bee knows exactly the measure and cost of its sting.’ I must harvest the nectar now to nourish me in times yet to come, so that like water off a duck’s back, opinions bounce off my impermeable resolve.

I am up late a lot, but no one has kept me up, life has! I dedicate my attention to writing now so that nothing I feel will be ever lost once again.

Eventually I won’t be able to keep up this late schedule but for the moment it is quite impossible for me to find this kind of time during the rest of the day. So while I am able, let me blaze like a comet in the night. When and if I eventually burn out if that ever happens, this phase will be looked at as being out of character but it will prove nothing of the sort. I think I have always been the reach out type.

I must invest in this letter quest to my future self, knowing when all is past and much forgotten; I will not have lost track of my journey here. In knowing that, I will always remember the way back, and in my well-considered opinion, when you have that in life, you can never count yourself truly lost!

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This entry was posted on February 24, 2014 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .
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